m: damn you treadwell.  i think you've got me by the short hairs.
a:  i never lose.
m:  we'll see about that.
a:  well, you just screwed yourself, because now i'm never going to admit to being wrong.
m:  like you would have, anyway.
a:  whatever.  i have been known on rare occasions to admit to being wrong.
m:  i like to think that i am one for exceptions.
a:  yeah, sometimes i admit to being wrong EXCEPT when i'm arguing with you.


m:  the latter, and you've got a dinner party and your philly show tonight
a:  i'm certainly glad that you pay attention when we're talking.
m:  well, you caught mine pretty early on.  attention, that is.
a:  haha, you liiiiike me.  you think i'm preeeeetty.  that's right.  i'm in kindergarten.  what about it?
m:  note to self: does not take compliments well.
a:  i know you are but what am i?

a:  eeek!  don't tell him i'm here.  i'm supposed to be at home asleep.
a:  i mean, i WAS going to be home asleep, but i got talked into coming out!
m:  i don't know.  i don't feel that good about it.
a:   psh. don't be a punk.
m:  okay.  i mean, i'll try, but i really feel like he has a right to know his friend lied to him.
a:  oh, shut up.  quit being a jerk!  you're going to hurt his feelings, not mine.
m:  okay.  i might still tell him, though.  i mean, this is a difficult choice.
a:  okay, fine.  you do what you think is best.  if you need to tell him, then you tell him.  but i've got pretty good vegas odds he's nowhere near as good a kisser as i am.
m:  damn you.

turns out, even drunk, i can still write some pretty well crafted, scathing emails.  or, a well crafted scathing email.

i hope he feels like shit.

i guess it still stands that i'm not going to feel okay until he gets back.  I felt really shitty on sunday - see, the thing is, he used to be really affectionate, and now he's not.  after his little breakdown, he's not been holding my hand or standing with me or any of that, and last night he went and sat across the room from me, and then just gave me this look like "see?  this is what i do."

it's like he feels like he has to really test me.  it's like a switch flipped on wednesday night and he went from hardly being able to keep his hands off of me to watching tv in bed.  what?  what just happened?

anyway, i told him that, in my heart, i really feel like he's going to come back from new york and break up with me.  he said that was a completely unfounded feeling, and that he likes what we have and that he's happy.

so, this morning, i left and i told him to go to new york, have a good time, and call me if he thinks about it.  and i told him that once he got back, we'd go back to having fun like we used to, instead of being so serious all the time.

because for real, it's stopped being fun because all i do is worry.  i hate being emotionally involved in things.